I can’t convince him healthy tastes good...

Ok, so ONCE, just ONCE I was disillusioned and actually thought that a dehydrated fruit bar with raw nuts tasted “just like a Snickers bar,” and you trusted me. How did I know? I hadn’t eaten an actual Snickers since high school and my memory was a bit foggy.

So, you excitedly took a bite and I watched as you slowly started to chew, taking in all the yummyness that is my favorite snack treat.

Then, you informed me that I was sorely mistaken as you spit every last merest morsel of organic energy goodness out of your mouth and quickly rinsed with your drink of choice... Diet Mountain Dew (which tastes JUST LIKE regular Mountain Dew)...

So now you won’t believe me that anything I say tastes “just like” ever tastes “just like.”

...but trust me on this one.


Guacamole and carrots tastes JUST LIKE chips and guacamole.

Yes, trust me. The carrots do much more dancing on your taste buds then that hydrogenated mess of corn could ever dream of.

Ooops. Looks like I lost you with that last bit.

I could lightly cover the carrots in olive oil, a dash of sea salt and dehydrate them for a few hours - would that help? You could enjoy this tasty treat sometime, let’s say - tomorrow!

What? Yes, I do remember the chocolate chip cookies made lovingly with protein powder, almond flour and carob chips.

You have to admit those were darn close... but I never said “JUST LIKE!”

Ummm, Is Everything Alright in Here?

That’s the question I usually ask my husband when upon walking into a room the most atrocious and repugnant smell invades my nostrils and chokes the life out of my lungs - a revolting cloud of noxious green gas. It normally happens when he thinks that I’ll be gone for a while and he can really cut loose and just be one with his lower sphincter. He usually blames it on one of our innocent 10 lb dogs. No way they could do that damage.

Well, this morning he got up at the disgusting hour of 4:30 a.m. to go on a single day road trip to California and back.

I am a light sleeper and even though I asked him to do his best not to wake me, it still happened. Even AFTER he decided to shower at 12:00 a.m. so he wouldn’t wake me with the shower at 4:30 a.m. (?)

First it’s his alarm blaring away, announcing the most devilish time - to which I jolted out of bed, grabbed my phone and began frantically pushing buttons to silence the screaming so it wouldn’t wake him up. Alas, nothing was working to return calm to the bedroom and by the time I figured out it was his phone, he had finally shut it off. For the FIRST time, and the SECOND time, oh - and the THIRD time.

Are you kidding me right now??

So, he finally gets up and he’s now tiptoeing around the room. Then into the closet where he closes the door and turns on the light. Did I mention we just had all of the doors in the entire house replaced with beautiful glass to let the light shine through? He dims it quickly and finishes up, but the damage to my retinas has already been done.

I’m still honing my acting skills and continue to “sleep” peacefully as I grab my Noodle and cuddle him closer. There’s nothing like a live little teddy bear to help one fall back to a real sleep.

Now he’s off to the kitchen where I can actually HEAR him drinking water. *gulp *gulp *gulp *AHHHHH
...and taking vitamins on his own (for the first time ever without me begging him.) *rattle *rattle *gulp *gulp

...and back into the bedroom where he continues to make little rummaging noises in the dark.

...now his phone is ringing.

The Fire Alarm ringtone.
Do you know the one??
It’s great.
Loud so he can hear it in his ’61 Buick.

LOUD, baby, LOUD.

...so he runs off down the hall to silence it after a few mind numbing rings.

I have finally had enough...

“Babe,” I ask. “Are you trying to be quiet?”

Now, I’m awake and he knows I’m awake. Time for comedy.

He enters the bedroom and triumphantly tells me, “I’m taking my vitamins,”
then asks, “Hey, Is everything alright in here?”

*sigh* “It’s not me!” I reply.

“Sure,” he jests and kisses me lovingly on the forehead. “I’m outta here! See you tonight!”

Does the colon reflorastation work on dogs, too??

Hey, When is your birthday?

I have 2 friends or so who reply with comments when I send out a personal email detailing a vacation story, a bit of humor or a friendly forward. Sometimes I spend days writing something, email it out expecting all kinds of feedback, and get nothing. Nada. Zip. Like - Zip-o-rooni. Zipper-nada.

BUT... When I ask if they can fill out a birthday reminder for me - where they actually have to GO TO another site, enter in their name, email and birthday - they do it! THIRTY-SEVEN of them so far!
I also find it amusing that no one wants to say how old they are but they REALLY want to share the day they made their escape from the uterus.

What the? I guess if there’s even the slightest chance something as minimal as an email birthday card is up for the giving on their day of birth, they are all for it!

No More Fasting, Going RAW and Still Juicing

I brought my juicer to work and I never realized how darn noisy it is until I got here and people are having important phone conversations while I'm in the breakroom...

Rrrrrrrrrr WAEEERRRrrrr shhheshsishsh RRRrrrr Waaeerrrr WAAAAAHRrrrrr WHHHHHAAARRRR rrrr r r r whhhhrrrr
Rrrrrrrrrr WAEEERRRrrrr RRRrrrr Waaeerrrr WAAAAAHRrrrrr shhheshsishsh WHHHHHAAARRRR rrrr r r r whhhhrrrr

too funny... and everyone is so interested in what I'm doing.

"Why are you juicing?"
"Is this a new thing?"
"Can I have some?"

NO. You may not --- didn't you just hear the ruckus needed to make this 8 oz of juice?

Get your own vegetables.
Use your own time.
Heck, even use my juicer.

Just wash it out.
Really well.

What about the relorastation? I honestly haven’t noticed any difference in the bathroom department.
I may have noted an increase in energy around day 3, but it could be because I was WILLING it to be so?

OH! I get my hair trimmed today. Nothing like a trim to make me feel better... and to drive my stylist crazy. Yes, I’m that girl.

"Take off as little as you can - as much as you need to."

She loves it when I tire of the long hair, go in and say cut it ALL off! ...and indicate the level of cutting by giving the “nix it” sign using my hand in a cutting motion back and forth at chin height.

My husband freaks out, but my stylist... she digs it!

Fasting Day Nine

...and I'm STILL feeling great, definitely better than fine.

I started adding juice this morning in preparation for coming off. Carrot, Apple, Lemon juice. *tasted AMAZING*

My hubby thinks carrot juice tastes like dirt. I can see why he'd think that - from a junk food junkie POV it probably tastes... different. To me, it tastes - earthy - and absolutely wonderful!

I did a colon reflorastation last night. TMI? Maybe... Too bad! I had to do it as an assignment in my complementary medicine class. Wow, did I learn a lot about Poo the day we had our guest speaker! My Real Health

You know. Normally I have a great story to tell along with something new like this but I'm at a loss for words. The process was quick and easy... a little uncomfortable but not painful. And today, knowing that there are a lot (probably millions as of this morning) of little "good" bacteria dancing around in my colon and lower intestines does make me smile a bit. Go to work little bacteria, multiply and be plentiful!

Fasting Day Eight

...and still going.

When I transition I'm going to try my VERY best to stay raw. Before this fast I was about 80% raw - I know I can do better than that and with so many options and great food - why eat cooked?? I found my motherlode of raw "recipes" so I will be giving those a try. It's funny how I will dig up all this stuff with every intention of doing things by the book, but pretty soon the book gets lost.

Things taste SO GREAT after fasting - flavorful and intoxicating.

Bitter. Party of one.

I don't get it.
I've dedicated my life to being healthy.
I stay in shape.
I try to consistently eat correctly for health.
I don't eat fast food.

I've never been 100 pounds overweight.
You know... people DO lose 100 pounds and then become famous telling the world what I've been doing my WHOLE life.

Are you kidding me?

Put down the damn fork.
Stop shoveling food into your mouth.

You say you've tried EVERYTHING?
Try not eating.
...and while you're at it...
Take your butt to the gym.

Fasting Day Seven

...and I'm feeling great.

The weekend was a bit difficult, so many temptations.

As before, my hubby is very supportive and "drinks his lemonade" outside of the house. As soon as he gets home though, I feel like a frickin' police K-9. I can be having a conversation with him, get a whiff of his breath and know what he's eaten. Heightened sense of smell - one of the great benefits! LOL

I brought lemon / apple juice to work today to sip on 2 oz at a time. such restraint!

My brain feels clear! I adore that!

I teach a bootcamp class tonight for 1 hour.
I teach a yoga class too... 2 hours.

That should keep me busy!

Wonder if the fare is less... ??